EXCLUSIVE: Providence Monthly Interviews Danny Amendola’s Carport

This week residents have been up in arms over New England Patriots wide receiver Danny Amendola’s new carport, calling it a blemish on the historical beauty of Benefit Street. We’ve heard your complaints, and now we’re going straight to the source with an exclusive interview with Danny Amendola’s Carport itself.

Providence Monthly: Let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way. What do you have to say to your critics?

Danny Amendola’s Carport: …

PM: With all due respect, Mr. Port, you’re little more than a guest here. I don’t think our city’s residents would appreciate being spoken to like that, least of all from an inanimate object who doesn’t pay any taxes.

DAC: …

PM: I understand that, but doesn’t the fact that you’re temporary and will be gone by the end of February validate their point? If you’re only going to be here for a limited amount of time and will have no lasting effect on the historicity of the neighborhood, why should you be here at all? What about all of the young people you inspire, who will no doubt be wanting their own carports in their own historic driveways?

DAC: …

PM: That’s a valid point, I hadn’t considered that if you were Tom Brady’s carport this probably wouldn’t be an issue. Do you think the team’s performance over the last few weeks has had an impact on what your neighbors think of you?

DAC: …

PM: I don’t know that that’s fair to say. I think Patriots fans are fiercely loyal, and with that loyalty comes a certain degree of expectations –

DAC: …

PM: I don’t think your neighbors think they’re that special –

DAC: …

PM: Wow, I never thought of it that way.

DAC: …

PM: No, of course I don’t think you think you’re better than anyone else!

DAC: …

PM: Yes, I would love to go to Dave and Busters with you and Gronk this weekend.

Editor’s note: After Danny Amendola’s Carport pointed out how ridiculous this whole thing was, he and our reporter hugged it out. Danny Amendola’s Carport then let our reporter park his car underneath him. Our reporter found him to be quite comfortable, very likely to prove beneficial in the event of heavy snow. He will miss him fondly after he’s taken down in February and is never heard from again.