Ah, St. Patty's Day: the one day a year when everyone is a little bit Irish. Everyone is looking for a party, too, and pretty much any bar worth its weight in Guinness is more than happy to oblige. However, not all March 17 festivities are quite what ol' St. Patrick envisioned when he was driving the snakes out of Ireland (proudly snake-free for over 1500 years). As a service to our readers, we've not only rounded up some of the hottest parties in town, but we've conveniently ranked them according to Irishness, using our highly scientific Shane-O-Meter system of 1 to 5 Shane MacGowans.* (If you need a little of Shane's music to get you in proper spirit, click here.)
*The Shane-O-Meter does not gauge how fun an event will be, simply how Irish. Do not take Shane-O-Meter rankings as a judgment on the overall quality of the party.
The Venue: Monet Lounge
The Party: "Think Green Everything" St. Patrick's Day Party
Irish: Wear green and receive a free green beer and a shot
Not So Much: Three DJs spinning house, drum and bass, dub-step, hip-hop and bachata; not actually on March 17
Shane-O-Meter: 
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The Venue: Ladder 133
The Party: "Irish for a Day"
Irish: Corned beef and cabbage; Jameson and Guinness specials
Not So Much: Three Olives Vodka specials; music by the Speak Easy Band, playing "classic rock, reggae, top 40, alt. rock, hip-hop"
Shane-O-Meter: 
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The Venue: McFadden's
The Party: "A Very Guinness St. Patrick's Day"
Irish: Guinness; drinking begins at 7am with "Kegs and Eggs"
Not So Much: Kegs and Eggs?
Shane-O-Meter:
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The Venue: Whiskey Republic
The Party: Irish Festivities
Irish: Irish breakfast at 8am; Irish step dancers; Whiskey Republic is owned by that one guy from the Dropkick Murphys
Not So Much: A bit of a toss-up here: music by Dirty Deeds, an AC/DC tribute band (not so Irish), accompanied by a bagpiper (definitely Irish), but the members of AC/DC were Australian, with Scottish heritage (not so Irish)
Shane-O-Meter:
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The Venue: Sullivan's Rhode
The Party: St. Patrick's Day Block Party
Irish: Drinking in the streets; sponsored by Guinness
Not So Much: Music by "7 of New England's top DJs"
Shane-O-Meter:
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The Venue: Hercules Mulligan's
The Party: St. Patrick's Day at Thayer Street's First Irish Pub
Irish: Corned beef and cabbage all day; the self-proclaimed "best pint of Guinness in town" as well as other Irish beers; owner Charlie Greene is from Ireland and built the bar himself
Not So Much: We're in the clear here
Shane-O-Meter:
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The Venue: Ri Ra
The Party: St. Patrick's Day Extravaganza
Irish: Guiness specials; Irish dancers; Ri Ra is actually built from a real pub in Ireland that was disassambled and transported across the Atlantic
Not So Much: Seems like we're in the clear here
Shane-O-Meter:
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The Venue: Snookers
The Party: "St. Patrick's Day Shenanigans"
Irish: Irish food and drink specials all day; wear green to spin the prize wheel
Not So Much: a prize wheel; music by DJ TJ, so "get ready to shake your shamrock"
Shane-O-Meter:
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The Venue: The Roots Cultural Center
The Party: St. Paddy's Day Concert and Dance
Irish: The Gnomes, including Phil Edmonds on Irish whistle and Cathy Clasper-Torch on fiddle, perform Celtic...
Not So Much: ...Klezmer, Scandinavian, Caribbean, Asian and Latin music
Shane-O-Meter:
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The Venue: McBride's Pub
The Party: St. Patty's Day Celebration
Irish: "Great Guinness Giveway"; day drinking; music by Brian Twohey; win Celtics tickets
Not So Much: Nothing really. Well done, lads.
Shane-O-Meter:
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The Venue: All Saints Memorial Church
The Party: St. Patrick's Day Supper
Irish: Corned beef and cabbage; potatoes; soda bread; Irish music; Celtic dancers; church
Not So Much: Nope, that about covers it
Shane-O-Meter:
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Still Yet to Announce Their St. Patty's Festivities: Patrick's Pub, Murphy's Deli, Fat Belly's. You can bet they'll all be celebrating, but no details have been posted yet. Check back for updates. Looking forward to the Smith Hill St. Patrick's Day? Sorry, it actually happened a week before St. Patty's.
And now, Shane MacGowan sings a ballad in a pub:
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